What Do We Give Up?

I wrote this post on my 10th wedding anniversary three years ago. Today we are celebrating 13 years and – oh the irony – I live in Charlotte. (You’ll have to read it to get that reference.)

Anniversary or not, the post is about what we “give up” to make a relationship work. Sixteen years ago I gave up a dream to move to New York City. Do I regret it now? No, but it was a sacrifice.

Actually, the very definition of sacrifice is to give up something of value in the short term for the sake of something more valuable in the long term. I didn’t get New York, but I got love.

Coincidentally, this week I had a call with my mastermind group, a  powerhouse collective of fellow female solopreneurs who all happen to be mothers to young kids. In our discussion we had an authentic sharing of what we have to “give up” to be good parents. Regardless of what the cheerleaders say, here’s what I know to be true: I achieve less at work because I have kids at home. Do I regret it? No, but – again – it is a sacrifice. I don’t have a bestseller (yet), but I have love.

It’s probably not the most romantic thing to be musing about what we give up to make relationships work on my anniversary (sorry honey), but since none of us can have it all at once, it’s important to know that life is about choices and – here’s what I’ve learned – when in doubt, always choose love.

You’ll be happier in the long run.


PS: In December of 2001 I “officially” decided I was not moving to New York and told my then-boyfriend / now-husband with this poem. True then. True now. 🙂


Sum of the Whole


Sometimes she stands beside herself

and wonders what was there

Sometimes she tries to bring her back

Sometimes she doesn’t care


Perhaps a part of her died that day

When she became a lover

So I accept the transformations, dear

That grant us reign

Over each other